Jesus is Alive

As a new Christian reading the Gospels several years ago, I only understood what Jesus was saying to the extent that I understood what other people told me He was saying. In other words, I didn’t understand much of anything at all.

In the early stages of trying to follow Jesus, I spent a long time feeling like it was pointless for me to keep reading the Gospels. Most of what Jesus said seemed flat and lifeless to me. These were the words of the God I supposedly believed in. I was frustrated and confused that I wasn’t finding in Jesus’ words the “bread of life” my heart desperately needed. 

I realize that it takes time to develop wisdom and understanding. I realize that it would have taken time for Jesus’ words to penetrate and affect my heart, no matter what. But what strikes me now, looking back at what I used to consider the beginning of my faith, is how great an obstacle theology actually was in my early reading of the Gospels. What I didn’t know at the time is that it wasn’t Jesus’ words that were meaningless to me. It was Theology rendering Jesus’ words meaningless to me. 

I remember reading for the first time, "Not all who say to me Lord, Lord, will enter the kingdom of heaven; but he that does the will of my Father in heaven” (Matthew 7:21). Even though I knew exactly what it meant to do the will of God; and even though I knew that I was practically incapable of doing it (loving); Theology was telling me to dismiss the conviction of my heart (the certainty that I was failing to do the will of God, and not going to heaven) and to believe that I was going to heaven anyway, based on the fact that I had at one singular moment in time “put my faith in Jesus Christ.”
  

It was true… I had put my faith in Jesus (some of it, anyway). I had experienced some noticeable changes in my heart. But I also knew that the majority of my heart was still very much dead. In the deepest, center-most part of my being, I knew what Jesus said in Matthew 7:21 was true. I knew I wasn’t going to heaven except in the rare and fleeting moments when I actually succeeded in caring about someone other than myself. 

Despite what I knew in my heart to be true, Theology kept telling me to ignore my instincts and to assume that I must be misunderstanding Jesus’ words. Surely all of the smarter, more experienced people who came before me; the ones whose religious expertise went into deciding what books would become the Bible; the ones who studied these books tirelessly and developed what is now considered ”accepted theology”; surely they must know far better than I could what Jesus was saying. And anyway, who was I to think that I could understand Jesus’ words all on my own? 

I kept trying to believe what Theology told me; that I was “saved.” I kept trying to believe that I was going to heaven. But trying to believe what was evidently not true was not drawing my heart any closer to God. It was making Jesus’ words more and more meaningless, and it was making the value of my faith rest entirely in some “divine blood- transaction” made between me and God in one singular moment a long time ago, rather than in learning what it means to abide in Christ in each moment. 

During my first couple years as a Christian, it seemed like no matter how much of my heart I gave to Jesus; no matter how much I gleaned from His words, and no matter how much transformation I experienced as I applied His teaching to my life; it was never very long before Theology would rear its ugly head again and zap the life out of Jesus’ words in my heart.

I remember the first time I read Sermon on the Mount apart from any theological program. I didn’t set out to read it any certain way, the words just happened to fall on my heart differently that time. What stood out to me the most was what Jesus said in Matthew 7:16-20. Before, when I read what Jesus said about The Good Tree, Theology told me to believe that I was definitely one of the “good trees.” 

I had “accepted Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior.” I had chosen the right God and I believed all the correct things. Even if it didn’t make any sense to me, and even if it seemed to contradict Jesus’ words, I thought that I must be one of the good trees. Isn’t that what my “becoming a Christian” meant?

But this time when I read what Jesus said about The Good Tree, I came to an entirely different conclusion. This time when I read it, I knew with every fiber of my being that I was not a good tree. This wasn’t exactly news to me. Deep down, I pretty much already knew that I wasn’t a good tree. But it came as a great surprise to find myself just as certain that I was not a bad tree.

If a good tree can only produce good fruit, and a good tree cannot produce bad fruit; and a bad tree can only produce bad fruit, and a bad tree cannot produce good fruit; then clearly I was not a tree at all! I (like everyone) produced both types of fruit at different times. 

Jesus wasn’t saying that some people are good trees and other people are bad trees. Aside from the fact that Jesus' words in Matthew 7:16-20 gave no logical basis for such a conclusion, it made much more sense to conclude that all people are something more like a Garden with many trees; some good and some bad. In fact, this was starting to sound an awful lot like the story of our Creation and Fall from Genesis!

I heard Jesus echoing this fact that is at the core of our broken hearts and the world we live in: We are sinners. Each and every one of us. We are the "house divided." And just as Jesus taught that “No man can serve two masters” (Matthew 6:24), with the story of The Good Tree, I heard Him saying that it isn’t possible to produce both good fruit and bad fruit, to serve both God and sin at the same time. In any given moment, we can only serve one. And since we know that "whoever sins is the servant of sin” (John 8:34), we also know that whoever loves is the servant of Christ. There is no other source from which love can come...

“He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me.” ~ John 14:21

I heard Jesus giving me the permission and wisdom to discern the source and intents of hearts. And not by the name of the god they claim to believe in. But by their fruits. 

This was the first time since “becoming a Christian" that I felt like I actually understood something Jesus was saying. Still, it was a rather unexpected insight and it didn't seem to fit the "Christianity" narrative very well at all. I wasn't sure if I could trust it. 

As I began to apply this understanding, as I began to live and breathe in it, I noticed exponential growth in my ability to discern the source and intents of my own heart. I noticed myself becoming more forgiving and more able to identify and be accountable for my own sin. I was also growing in my ability to identify the righteous “fruit” of God in others, particularly in people whom I had habitually condemned. I was becoming more able to love. And I will be damned if I did not enter the kingdom of heaven several hundred, thousand, million times over. 

Growth and transformation were happening with unprecedented speed. And the words which once meant absolutely nothing to me, not only meant something; but what they meant had power. The power to change my life.

How it makes my heart ache to recount the many, many times when I succumbed to the crippling fear that these insights; the ones that Jesus used to birth my transformation; must have been inspired by some kind of evil spirit. Time after time, Theology kept coming back and telling me to dismiss everything I had learned. And not just to dismiss it, but to renounce it. Theology said, “Christians are good trees and everyone else is a bad tree." So whatever this nonsense was about all people being 'Gardens with some good and some bad trees;' whatever this rubbish was about 'discerning the source and intents of hearts,' it definitely wasn't from Jesus. Because that’s not what Theology said Jesus was saying. 

Fearful that I had strayed from God, I would drop the insights and try to go back to the "correct" way to read Jesus' words. And then I'd be left with the same dead, lifeless Jesus I had started with. The Jesus whose primary value was in a “blood sacrifice” that I had accepted a long time ago. The Jesus whose primary value in my life wasn’t in the fruit of righteousness His spirit was beginning to produce in me, but in whether or not I believed the "correct" thing about what He said. The Jesus whose “words of life” I found empty and meaningless. 

I will never forget the moment when while reading one pivotal conversation between Jesus and some Pharisees, it finally hit me: I am that Pharisee! I am the Pharisee accusing Jesus of performing miracles by the power of a devil!

Jesus had given me His words of life and He had used them to heal me. Only a blind fool would accuse Him of doing it the "wrong way." But in the name of Theology, that is exactly what I had been doing. And in that moment, finally... Hallelujah! I was done. 

I don’t blame Theology for all of my woes. God knows I have worshipped far worse things in my life. At least Theology was trying to steer me in the right direction. I’m pretty sure that’s its job. But the tricky thing about Theology I find, is that it tends to look so much like Jesus to us that we sometimes struggle to know the difference. For me, the difference is this: Theology is dead. Jesus is alive.

I have to go where my Life is. Even if it's somewhere Theology can't go. 

Confessions of an Inside Outsider

I have only been reading the Bible independently for about two years. In that time, I have read the New Testament (several times) and also the Psalms, Proverbs, many of the prophets, and some of the Mosaic Law. Aside from my love of Jesus, and my quest to read all Scripture through the lens of who He is, I have spent almost no time studying Biblical culture, church history, or theology of any kind. Basically, I know nothing except that Jesus Christ is exactly who He says He is. He is the way, the truth and the life (John 14:1). The more I believe Him, the more my heart and my life are being transformed by Him (John 7:17). Regretfully however, I also find that the more I believe Jesus, the more disillusioned I feel by the Church. 

While I still share many of the Church’s core beliefs; such as that Jesus Christ is the Divine incarnation of God in the flesh, that His death atoned for sin, and that He was literally, physically resurrected; when it comes to concepts like salvation, blessedness, heaven, and hell, I find Jesus to be teaching something quite different from what the Church is teaching. And while I am deeply thankful to the Church for continuing to proclaim Jesus’ name and identity, for its service to its members and the greater community, and for the ways it has blessed me personally; when it comes to making a choice between following the Church's teaching and following Jesus' teaching, I choose Jesus. In this post, I will share just a few of my laments and criticisms of the capacity of mainstream Christian theology to over-complicate, undermine, and even negate the words and core teachings of Jesus Christ. 

Under the view that one group of people (non Christian) is destined to burn in hell, while another group (Christian) is destined to spend a blissful eternity with God in heaven, the Beatitudes for example, lose much of their power and practical significance. In the beginning of Matthew 5, Jesus begins His ministry saying:

"Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.

Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.

Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.

Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.

Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God…" (Matthew 5:3-9)

Now I am no master of logic. But it seems to me that if the kingdom of heaven belongs to the poor in spirit; but only Christians can enter the kingdom of heaven; then we must conclude that only Christians can be poor in spirit. If the merciful obtain mercy; but only Christians obtain mercy; then we must conclude that only Christians can be merciful. If the peacemakers shall be called the children of God; but only Christians are the children of God; then we must conclude that only Christians can be peacemakers, and so on. 

In fact, I do believe that it impossible to embody the qualities Jesus describes in the Beatitudes apart from Christ. But there is no plausible reason to believe that only people who explicitly identify as Christians experience the blessedness Jesus describes. So what gives? Does the kingdom of heaven belong to the poor in spirit as Jesus says? Or does it only belong to Christians?

If I receive genuine forgiveness from a person whom I wronged, such that the break in our relationship is restored; but the person who forgave me happens to be a devout Jew; does that person receive mercy as Jesus says? Or does his non-Christian status nullify his show of mercy, leaving his eternal soul in hell? If one commits murder, and is subsequently so devastated by the guilt and pain of what he has done that he has all but given up on his life; later, the family of the deceased expresses forgiveness to the murderer; the murder receives the family’s forgiveness and in doing so, finds within himself a new hope and reason to live; but the murderer has never heard of Jesus. As Jesus suggests in the Beatitudes, did the murderer’s spiritual poverty provide an entrance into the kingdom of heaven? Or does the fact that the murderer never heard of Jesus damn him to hell anyway?

I imagine there are at least a dozen very impressive theological formulations out there attempting to answer these questions. But I couldn't care less. Jesus already answered these questions several times over. And what I really want to know is: Why can’t we just believe Him? Why can’t we just believe that the kingdom of heaven belongs to the poor in spirit? That the peacemakers are the children of God, and so on? Why do we need a complicated theology to ‘make sense’ out of what already makes perfect sense on its own? Why should we resort to lawyer-like reasoning and bargaining with definitions to determine who Jesus was actually talking to or what Jesus actually meant in the Beatitudes, when it is already plainly obvious who He was talking to and what He meant? Why can’t we just believe that Jesus meant exactly what He said? Why does mainstream Christian theology force us to believe instead that Jesus began His earthly ministry with a series of convoluted ‘truths’ containing subjective definitions and undisclosed contingencies? And all for the sake of avoiding coming to the obvious conclusions that Jesus’ words would have us make…

In Matthew 7, Jesus warns His disciples about false prophets saying, 

"Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?

Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit.

A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.

Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire. 

Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them" (Matthew 7:16-20).

In a previous post, I shared some logical conclusions and practical implications of this parable. In this post, I lament the terrible tragedy that most of mainstream Christianity either A) does not understand its meaning or B) does not sincerely believe what Jesus is saying. 

If we believe what Jesus is saying, then we believe we will know who belongs to Christ by their fruits. And if we believe we will know who belongs to Christ by their fruits, then we can stop using every other parameter imaginable for determining who comes in His name, and start following the instructions of our Lord!

Mainstream Christianity offers a whole slew of detailed systems and prescriptions for identifying false teaching and for determining who comes in the name of the Lord. And yet it largely fails to observe and apply the very simple prescriptions Jesus actually gave:

"Ye shall know them by their fruits" (Matthew 7:16).

and...

"By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another" (John 13:35).

What if the truth really is that simple? What if the kingdom of heaven really does belong to the poor in spirit? What if those who mourn really will be comforted? What if the meek really do inherit the earth? (What a lovely thought!) What if the merciful really do obtain mercy? And what if the peacemakers really are the children of God? What if Jesus really meant exactly what He said? And what would happen if we set aside our precious doctrines and overworked theologies long enough to simply believe Him? 

We could start by considering Jesus words immediately following the parable of The Good Tree in Matthew 7:

"Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven" (Matthew 7:21).

For many, this is one of the scariest parts of the Bible. But I think that’s because we A) forget what it means to do the will God, and B) fail to recognize that this verse contains not only a warning, but also an encouragement. While it should indeed trouble us to learn that not everyone who professes Christ’s name will enter the kingdom of heaven, it should also give us great assurance to hear Jesus tell us exactly who will enter. Is it “Christians?” No! “But he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven.” 

Can we believe Him? Yes! We can believe every word Jesus spoke! But will we believe Him? Does our theology even allow us to believe Him? If we do choose to believe Him, then we must also believe that anyone who has ever sincerely, sacrificially loved another person has already entered the kingdom of heaven. That’s right! Jesus didn’t leave us to wonder what it means to do the will of God. He taught us that to love our neighbors as ourselves, is to love God (see Mark 12:31-32, Luke 10:25-27, Matthew 22:37-40, Matthew 25:40-45). And so we must conclude that anyone who has ever loved in this way has every bit a claim to the kingdom of heaven as we Christians have. And as much as it might make us squirm to accept it, this must be true regardless of whether or not the person identifies as “Christian” (see Matthew 21:28-31, Luke 10:36-37, Romans 2:28-29). Astonishing, isn't it?! What’s even more astonishing is that Jesus actually went around saying this kind of stuff for three years before the Romans got hold on Him and killed Him! Truly…astonishing.

You may be thinking, “Well not everything that looks like love, is love. So we can’t just say that anyone who appears loving has entered the kingdom of heaven.” That's true. Thankfully, Jesus didn’t leave us to wonder what love looks like. He demonstrated it with every moment of His life and even with His death. With His life, He fed the hungry; cast out devils; made sick people well. He showed mercy and grace to people that no religious man would have ever been caught talking to in the first place. He washed His disciple’s feet. Even after His disciple, Peter's repeated bouts of faithlessness and his outright denial of Him, Jesus remained faithful to Peter. With His life, Jesus loved the unlovable and He told us to go and do likewise.

Have you, out of sincere compassion and love for others, fed the hungry; been a healer of the sick; been merciful; been a caregiver; been faithful to one who has been unfaithful? Good. According to Jesus, you have already entered the kingdom of heaven. 

You may be thinking, “But didn’t Jesus say that whoever does not believe on Him will perish.” Yes, He did. And since we know that everything Jesus said is true, this statement and others like it must be understood within the context of everything else He said. In the context of Jesus words in the verses explored here, I think we have good reason to reassess our understanding of what it means to “believe on Him.” Could it be that even we who call ourselves “Christians” do not actually ‘believe on Him’ as much as we think we do? Is it possible that we too are guilty of what Jesus calls “unbelief?” And if we too are guilty of unbelief, are we too not perishing? The third chapter of John’s first epistle contains some rather difficult statements that I think provide key insights for us as we seek to answer these questions. 1 John 3, verses 6 and 9 say:

“Whosoever abideth in Him sinneth not: whosoever sinneth hath not seen Him, neither known Him...Whosoever is born of God doth not commit sin; for His seed remaineth in him: and he cannot sin, because he is born of God.”

Whoa! Unless we are prepared to claim that we have no sin, we must acknowledge that despite whatever we consider to be our ‘belief' in Jesus, the truth of the matter is that to whatever extent we sin, we “hath not seen Him, neither known Him.” Let that sink in for a moment...

And furthermore, if whoever is born of God cannot sin; and yet we do sin; then we must conclude that where we are sinful, we are not born of God. And if we are not entirely born of God, we ought to wonder: What else are we born of? John answers this question saying “of the devil" (1 John 3:8). 

As the stories of Creation and the Fall so accurately tell us from the very beginning, we are deeply, tragically broken. We are fractured, not whole. We are divided, not One. So when I read all the scary stuff in the book of Revelation about the fate of the devil and all who belong to him, I must believe that to whatever extent my heart is born of the devil, my fate is the same as his.

Isn’t this exactly what Jesus teaches? Doesn't He warn not only the Pharisees and religious elites, but often His own disciples about the reality of hell? Doesn't He tell us exactly what will happen if we fail to abide in Him (John 15:6)? Doesn't He tell us that He will indeed come and render to every man, not according to the name of the god he claims to believe in, but according to his works (see Matthew 16:27)? 

For this purpose the Son of God was manifested, that he might destroy the works of the devil (1 John 3:8).

And isn't that what we want? Not that we should be cast into the fire, but that by whatever means necessary, our sin and every work of the devil would be destroyed? Even if it means suffering the pain of having Jesus tear out and destroy all the rotten pieces of our hearts? Shouldn’t our hearts be crying out to Him still, "Even so, come Lord Jesus?” 

What if Jesus really meant it when He said, “behold, I come quickly..." Revelation 22:12

To behold means to “see” or “observe” something. Jesus is telling us to behold His coming! This isn't phrased as if His coming is something that will happen one day in the future, but as if it is happening right now. What if Jesus really is coming? Not just at ‘the end of the world’ as we think of it, but at ‘the end of the world’ within ourselves? What if Jesus has actually been coming this whole time? And we are simply failing to behold Him?...

I don’t have all the answers. As I said in the beginning, I don’t know anything about anything when it comes to church history or theology. But based on Jesus’ teaching alone, I can’t help but believe that the Church must have taken a very wrong turn somewhere along the way, probably several. This is the only explanation I can think of for why the people who bear Christ’s name, the Church could have embraced a theology that ignores, undermines, and robs practical significance and meaning from the very teachings of the One it claims to be following.

I still love the Church and I still believe in its overall goodness. I know from experience that the spirit of God is still very much alive in the hearts of its people. But it makes me really sad that in a place where I ought to feel comforted in being surrounded by 'fellow believers', I actually feel more and more disturbed by what it is the Church seems to believe. 

Maybe the Church doesn't have everything figured out. Maybe the kingdom of heaven really is a mystery, as Jesus said. And maybe what He came to reveal about the mystery of the kingdom of heaven is actually a lot more marvelous and profound than simply “only Christians can go there.” Maybe that’s why Jesus began His ministry with such foolish words as these, 

Blessed are the poor in spirit: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.

Blessed are the meek: for they shall inherit the earth.

Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after righteousness: for they shall be filled.

Blessed are the merciful: for they shall obtain mercy.

Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God.

Blessed are the peacemakers: for they shall be called the children of God.

Blessed are they which are persecuted for righteousness' sake: for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

Blessed are ye, when men shall revile you, and persecute you, and shall say all manner of evil against you falsely, for my sake.

Rejoice, and be exceeding glad: for great is your reward in heaven… (Matthew 5:3-12)

Hell: From Doctrine to Destiny

Over the past couple years, Jesus’ words in the Gospels have been a treasure chest of life-giving lessons and transformative power in my life. But this wasn’t always so…

I was brought up somewhat in the church. Although my family did not attend church regularly, when I was twelve, I went through what a Lutheran church called “catechism.” During a series of classes, I was taught who Jesus was, how He died to save us from our sins, and why I needed to believe in Him. I learned that “heaven” is a place where “Christians” will spend a blissful eternity with God, while everyone else goes to a place called “hell” where they will be endlessly tormented and punished for their sins. So unless I wanted to spend an eternity burning in hell after I died, I needed to choose to believe in Jesus now. 

Even though this seemed more like a terrifying ultimatum than an expression of grace from a loving God, I assumed that the church’s teaching was correct. I had never read anything in the Bible myself so I had nothing of my own to go on.

My completion of “catechism,” which culminated in a public confession of my faith in Jesus Christ, and my denial of Satan, supposedly meant that I needn’t ever fear of going to this dreaded place called “hell.” Supposedly, I was “saved” from that when I decided to believe in Jesus. This would have been really great news for me if anything in my actual life had begun to reflect my apparent “salvation.” Instead everything just stayed the same.

And then things got worse…

When as an adult, I returned to church with a severely broken heart, I found the Gospel to be a shining message of hope. I knew that I needed help and Jesus seemed to be the only One who could help me. I decided to give Him a shot. 

Over the following couple years though, when my thought-patterns, habits, and relationships were not improving as I had hoped, I became very discouraged. I was still terribly fearful of other people’s opinions of me. I still spent a lot of energy trying to manage the way others perceived me. I still felt enslaved to an arduous hair and makeup routine every morning before I could leave my house. I was still extremely self-centered, my priorities were still way out of whack, and I still felt myself unable to love where I knew in my heart that I ought to be loving. 

The most frustrating part of all, is that the book full of stories about the God I supposedly believed in had almost no personal utility for me. Particularly Jesus’ words seemed foreign and completely irrelevant to my daily life. 

Going to church and listening to sermons helped some. Particularly the main pastor at the church my family attended was very good at making his sermons personal and giving practical “tests” by which we can know whether or not we are following Jesus. I consistently failed every test… 

In a desperate attempt to put my supposed “faith” into practice, I decided to get involved in the church by volunteering for the children’s ministry. It made me feel good about myself to be associated with the church, and to have such nice people treat me as if I were really a nice, normal person like themselves. But I realized pretty early on that my heart wasn’t in it for the right reasons. Eventually I could no longer live with myself pretending to be helping other people’s children for the reward of a cheap ego boost, while my relationship with my own kid was suffering. So I quit.

Getting involved with what the church calls “lifegroups” proved to be much more valuable to me. Through a lifegroup, I developed some relationships which I credit for much of my healing and spiritual growth both then and now. 

I still consider my baptism two Septembers ago to be one of the greatest moments of my life. Committing my life to Jesus that day was the freest and most joyous experience I can remember ever having. I will always be inexpressibly thankful to the church for giving me that opportunity and arranging everything for that day. 

Both as a child and as an adult, I have found churches of all denominations to be full of people whose lives are obvious evidence of God’s loving Spirit. So it is with great sadness that I confess, the conventional church teaching about heaven and especially about hell, has been more a hindrance than a help to my spiritual growth.

As long as I allowed conventional doctrine to guide my reading of the Bible, its impact on my life was very minimal. In particular, I could never understand how Jesus’ teaching about heaven and hell had anything to do with my actual life. He kept shouting, “The kingdom of heaven is at hand!” But I just wasn’t feeling it… 

To me, heaven was still some place that I would supposedly go to after I died (which I now find to be absolutely true, just not quite in the way I had imagined). But as my reading of Scripture began to transcend everything I was taught to believe about it, I began to experience the Bible as the living and powerful Word of God that it is. 

“…the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.” Hebrews 4:12 ESV

I never made a conscious choice to ditch church doctrine. It was more the natural outworking of my learning to entrust more and more of my daily doubts, fears, and questions to Jesus. 

It all started about three years ago during my year-long friendship with a traditional Mennonite family. After visiting their church one Sunday, the S’s invited my family back to their house for lunch. Some time afterwards, Mrs. S began showing up at my house now and then in the mornings after dropping her children off at school. Soon she was inviting me over to her house for dinner about once a week. 

At the time, my husband was working and living away from home during the week, so usually just the boys and I would go to the S’s house around 4 in the afternoon and stay til 7 or 7:30. 

My weekly visits with the S family went on for about a year. During that time, my sons came to love their six children as much as I came to love Mr. and Mrs. S. 

It was during my visits to the S’s house that I learned freedom from the prison of needing to feel “pretty” in order to feel good about myself. Because the S’s valued modesty in dress and appearance, I felt obliged to honor their values while I was visiting. In doing so, I took extra measures to dress modestly, including wearing no makeup or jewelry. Although this was initially a very painful thing for me to do, I soon noticed how much lighter and freer I felt when my psychic energy wasn’t bound up in worrying about how I look all the time. Soon I was opting out of my hair and makeup routine even on days when I wasn’t going to be visiting the S’s. I even got rid of three garbage-bags full of clothing that I had determined I could no longer wear (with or without the S’s). 

I still remember the way my heart raced and my fingers trembled as I tied those garbage-bags shut and carried them out to my car. Saying goodbye to my clothing was almost as agonizing as leaving my house without makeup for the first time. But the pain of these losses was more than worth the treasure of my relationship with the S’s, and the new freedom I had found in losing my self-image. 

These were the first of my experiences to bring life and meaning to Jesus’ teaching about heaven. Where before Jesus’ words had been totally dead to me, I suddenly understood something of what He meant when He said, 

“…the kingdom of heaven is like unto treasure hid in a field; the which when a man hath found, he hideth, and for joy thereof goeth and selleth all that he hath, and buyeth that field.” Matthew 13:44 KJV

Suddenly, I knew something about this ‘heaven’ Jesus was always talking about. Giving up everything I loved about my appearance was painful. But in its place, I had found life and freedom. 

“I am the door: by me if any man enter in, he shall be saved, and shall go in and out, and find pasture.” John 10:9 KJV

Now I could say with conviction that the kingdom of heaven really is at hand! This was a very exciting time for me. Up to that point, my “faith” had been more of an A+B=C sort of statement than a living relationship with God. What made these first experiences with God’s Word so special is that they marked the beginning of my learning to connect with Scripture on my own. Before, I could only ever see meaning in the Bible when others pointed it out to me, and even then I struggled to feel a personal connection with it. Now, I was not only connecting with Scripture, but I was confident that I didn’t need to consult with anyone about it or measure what I had learned against doctrine. The evidence of transformation in my thought patterns, habits, and relationships was all the assurance I needed to know I was on the right track. 

One of the greatest benefits of my relationship with the S’s was how positive I felt about my marriage when I spent time with them. I had had a bad habit of thinking and talking negatively about my husband, but when I was with the S’s, this negative attitude was instantly dissolved. 

When I spoke with Mrs. S about my negativity towards my husband, and my earnest desire for change, she was always understanding and encouraging. She would often share her own stories of times when she didn’t see quite eye-to-eye with her husband. She acknowledged disagreement as a normal part of marriage, but emphasized the imperative of putting the marriage first. Mrs. S was a real mentor to me, and I noticed the positive changes in my marriage and family relationships as I began to put her teaching into practice. 

My relationship with the S’s that year was a great asset to both my family and my faith. So it was a very painful loss for me when our friendship ended suddenly. One evening in early November of 2015, I was in the S’s living room after dinner sharing about a family member who happened to be divorced and remarried. Before I could finish sharing, Mr. S abruptly stated their belief that remarriage when a former spouse is still living is “adultery” (with the clear implication that God cannot forgive or redeem such a marriage). Feeling confused and a little hurt that Mr. S thought stating this belief was in any way pertinent or helpful to our conversation, I said, “Well I don’t know what you think about this…but J (my husband) was married before…”

The energy in the room shifted as the S’s processed what I had just said. Mrs. S’s face turned bright red and her hands were noticeably shaking. Mr. S proceeded in calm confidence to tell me how angry this makes him with the church leaders responsible for teaching others that divorce is “okay.” He said, “A lot of innocent people are going to pay for this. There is blood on their (the church leaders') hands.” I told him I agreed with him (albeit only to the extent that I believe divorce is a tragic experience for everyone). To conclude the evening, Mr. S looked at me and said, “We have seen the Holy Spirit at work in you. We believe God has a path of righteousness for you.” 

As I left the S’s house that night, I couldn’t help the feeling that Mr. S had in mind exactly what he thought my path of righteousness ought to look like… 

On my drive home, I was very upset and confused. I tried to suspend judgment. Maybe the S’s didn’t actually expect me to break up my family “for the glory of God.” Maybe I had misinterpreted everything. What I knew for sure is that my marriage was not beyond God’s redemption. I had already experienced an abundance of God’s grace through my marriage. Certainly God was not asking me to now throw my marriage away. I was already good at doing that without God’s help! 

My heart was troubled, as I was unable to see how my relationship with the S’s could ever be the same after that night. But I felt a distinct warmth and calm in the middle of it all. I had learned something very important. The shame and fear that I felt in the S’s home that night was not from my fear of God, it was from my fear of them. At once, I could see that my respect and admiration for the S’s was more than that. It was worship. I had made an idol out of the S’s, and this was the situation God was using to reveal it.

"Thou shalt have no other gods before me…Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image…Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God…” Exodus 20:3-5 KJV

During my next visit to the S’s house, Mrs. S’s face showed visible signs of distress. During a private conversation, with dark circles under her eyes, she informed me that she would no longer be able to give me counsel concerning my marriage. I told her how sad this made me (seeing as how her counsel had been such a huge part of our friendship and a great blessing to my marriage). I also told her how difficult I felt it would be to continue our friendship while feeling uncomfortable talking about my husband. She kindly told me, “Just don’t even think about it…Just talk the way you would normally talk.” It was nice of her to say, but we both knew this would be impossible. 

At this point I knew for sure where my marriage stood with the S’s, but I still wasn’t convinced this meant that they expected me to break up my family. After looking to Scripture, a lot of prayer, and seeking guidance from a friend, I believed it was the right thing to continue my relationship with the S’s without hoping to change their minds about my marriage. This was much easier said than done. 

Overnight, my visits with the S’s had become an enormous source of anxiety and inner turmoil. Our conversations had become awkward and stilted. I was constantly nervous that I was going to mistakenly say something about my husband that would make things even more uncomfortable. I tried to pray my fear and worry away, but it kept coming back. 

One afternoon, a few hours before I was scheduled to visit the S’s, I was driving my car along country roads trying desperately to pray that God would make me able to love the S’s without fearing their opinion of my marriage. I couldn’t do it… I tried and tried, but my heart was so full of fear and pride that I couldn’t get through to God. It was as though I had been locked out…

“For many, I tell you, will seek to enter and will not be able. When once the master of the house has risen and shut the door, and you begin to stand outside and to knock at the door, saying, ‘Lord, open to us,’ then he will answer you, ‘I do not know where you come from…. Depart from me, all you workers of evil!’” Luke 13:25,27 ESV

I realized that my separation from God was not the result of my feeling hurt by the S’s changed opinion of my marriage, nor of the loss of our once blessed friendship. It was the result of my burning desire to change their opinion of my marriage and to save the friendship we once had.

“For whoever wants to save his life will lose it…” Matthew 16:25 KJV

I remembered Jesus’ response to His disciple, Peter when He told him and the rest of His disciples that He was going to be killed. Peter (quite understandably) protested, insisting that this would never happen to Jesus. To which, Jesus replied, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a hindrance to me. For you are not setting your mind on the things of God, but on the things of man.” Matthew 16:23 ESV 

It was true. Like Peter, I was not responding to the fate of my relationship with the S’s in faith. I was more interested in changing the S’s opinion about my marriage than I was in learning to love them in spite of it. God was commanding me to love the S’s unconditionally, but all my feeble heart could do was fear them… 

“The fear of man bringeth a snare: but whoso putteth his trust in the LORD shall be safe.” Proverbs 29:25 KJV

In that moment, I knew exactly what God required of me. But I found myself absolutely powerless to do it. While driving in my car that day, I remember feeling like a violent war was raging inside of me. And there I was in the middle of it all, shouting and pounding on the steering wheel, wailing like a mad person desperate to escape a burning building. That’s when it hit me: This is Hell. 

“There shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth, when ye shall see Abraham, and Isaac, and Jacob, and all the prophets, in the kingdom of God, and you yourselves thrust out.” Luke 13:28 KJV

I thought again of Jesus’ disciple, Peter, and how after Jesus was taken to the cross, Peter denied ever having known Jesus. Then I remembered what Jesus said prior to Peter’s denial of Him in Luke 12:9…

“…he that denieth me before men shall be denied before the angels of God.” 

Everything I was experiencing made perfect sense. Jesus had told me what I must do to live…

"You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind, and your neighbor as yourself…do this, and you will live.” Luke 10:27-28 ESV

And He had told me what to expect if I fail… 

“If a man abide not in me, he is cast forth as a branch, and is withered; and men gather them, and cast them into the fire, and they are burned.” John 15:6 KJV

Suddenly, Jesus’ parable of the Net in Matthew 13 was no longer a foretelling of the separation of 'saved' and 'damned' souls at Jesus’ final return. “The furnace of fire” and the “severing of the wicked from among the just” was all taking place inside of me right in that very moment! This wasn’t about Jesus’ return someday in the future. It was about Jesus’ return right now. Here was my Lord, and He was shouting, “The kingdom of heaven is at hand!”

And I had been found an unfaithful servant… 

“ Again, the kingdom of heaven is like unto a net, that was cast into the sea, and gathered of every kind: Which, when it was full, they drew to shore, and sat down, and gathered the good into vessels, but cast the bad away. So shall it be at the end of the world: the angels shall come forth, and sever the wicked from among the just, And shall cast them into the furnace of fire: there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth." Matthew 13:47-50 KJV

Driving in my car that afternoon, I realized that the anguish I was experiencing over my relationship with the S’s was not the result of my feeling hurt by them. It was the hell of my sin (idolatry and covetousness) making me unable to receive and give God’s love to them. It was also the hell of my faithlessness, of my not trusting that God had a purpose in allowing my relationship with the S’s to take this painful turn. 

Like Peter’s reaction to Jesus’ foretelling of His death, my greatest desire was to change the course of God’s plan for my relationship with the S’s. And now Jesus was responding to me the same way He had responded to Peter, saying, “Get behind me, Satan!” As I imagined how traumatizing and painful it must have been for Peter to hear these words from His Lord, I felt as though I was hearing them too. And I knew that I would continue living in the hell of my unfaithfulness until I learned to put my faith in God alone… 

“…fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell.” Matthew 10:28 KJV

During a moment when I needed Him most, Jesus, through His words in the Gospels, had taught me discernment of the desires and weaknesses of my heart. He had helped me to distinguish between my righteousness and my unrighteousness, where I had been faithful and where I had been unbelieving. 

In this very unconventional way, Jesus’ teaching had transformed a once dead doctrine about hell into a life-giving metaphor for the pain of my sin. My sin was, as the apostle Paul wrote many times, “the sting of death.” And in the midst of this death, in midst of this hell, Jesus became as the Psalmist said, “a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path,” showing me the way out. 

“And he laid his right hand upon me, saying unto me, Fear not; I am the first and the last: I am he that liveth, and was dead; and, behold, I am alive for evermore, Amen; and have the keys of hell and of death.” Revelation 1:17-18 KJV

With Jesus on my side, I knew for sure that no matter how much more painful my relationship with the S’s would become, and no matter how impossible it seemed to love them, I had to keep on trying. 

During my next visit with the S’s, I tried to think of things to talk about that didn’t involve my husband or my family. It was tricky, but Mrs. S and I managed to have one very nice afternoon together baking bread. Feeling encouraged, I asked Mrs. S if I could pray with her. During the prayer, I thanked God for Mrs. S’s bravery in reaching out to me that year, for our friendship and for continuing to challenge both of us to follow Him with our whole hearts. We both agreed that we had a very nice visit that day and parted on a good note. I would have never guessed that my next visit to the S’s would be the last time I would see them. 

On my last evening in the S’s home, after some surprisingly uncomfortable conversation with Mrs. S before dinner, Mr. S approached me in the living room. He sat down in the seat across from me and asked with a very stern look on his face, “How is J?” (my husband) I replied saying, “He is doing well. With his ability to tele-work now, he is only away from home three nights a week, which lessens the burden for all of us.” Mr. S looked at me with obvious disappointment and then shortly stood up and walked out of the room.

When we sat down for dinner that night, it was the first time Mr. S did not mention me or my family in his dinner prayer. Conversation at the table was very painful, even more so than in the past. Hardly anyone spoke to me except the children. 

After dinner as I was helping Mrs. S with dishes in the kitchen, she asked me how my relationship with my dad was going. I was honest and told her that things had been steadily improving. I told her, “It’s as if I am a different person. It’s really just been my coming to Christ and realizing that it’s not about me being right, it’s about doing what’s right.” Neither she, nor Mr. S who was within earshot, said a word in response. It was as though my mere mentioning of Christ’s name was an offense to them. 

Later while sitting in the living room after dinner, I was trying to make small talk. In the interest of keeping things lighthearted, I tried steering the conversation towards my kids. It was just me, my youngest son, and Mr. S in the room when I believe I said something about my kids and our daily foibles together. Mr. S gave no response, and instead flashed me the coldest, deadliest stare I have ever received. I was so disturbed that I nearly fainted. I realized in that moment that it was time to leave. As I began to stand up to collect my youngest son, I was so dazed that I staggered a bit before regaining my balance. I thanked Mr. S for having us over, while Mrs. S called my oldest son up from the basement where he had been playing with the other children. Mr. S thanked me for the dish I brought for dinner but struggled to remember what it was. “It was chicken,” I said. Then we left. 

On our drive home, my oldest son asked me why Mr. S had told him that his parent’s marriage is a sin. Apparently, Mr. S had spoken to my son privately in the basement that night without my knowledge. “He said that Dad has the wrong wife,” my son explained. “But that doesn’t make any sense…”

That was when it became perfectly clear what was the fate of my relationship with the S's. While I had been committed to trying to love them no matter what, they were clearly not committed to loving me or my family. And I was absolutely heartbroken.

"...ye shall weep and lament...and ye shall be sorrowful..." John 16:20 KJV

I had a long conversation with my oldest son that night. I explained that we love Mr. and Mrs. S very much, and it is very sad that they have been victims of a teaching that makes them unable to love us anymore. 

“They shall put you out of the synagogues: yea, the time cometh, that whosoever killeth you will think that he doeth God service. And these things will they do unto you, because they have not known the Father, nor me.” John 16:2-3 KJV

After putting my kids to bed that night, I was deeply blessed as I perceived that my pain for the S’s was no longer the pain of fear. It was the pain of love. 

“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear.” 1 John 4:18 KJV

“…and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.” Matthew 16:25 KJV

And even though it was one of the saddest, most painful nights of my life, an otherworldy peace had already begun to fill my broken heart.

"These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 KJV

The Tares and the Trees

In my previous two posts, I shared some scandalous implications of Jesus' teaching in Luke 17:20 ("...the kingdom of God is within you.") In this post, I want to share how this perspective on God's kingdom has deepened my relationship with Jesus and radically changed every aspect of my life.  

Without the perspective that the kingdom of God is within me, Jesus' parables in particular had very little significance in my daily life. When I read the parable of the "Tares Among The Wheat" for example, it appeared that I had nothing worry about. Of course, I was the "wheat" and all of the "non-Christian" people were the "tares." I didn't need to fret about what was going to happen at "the end of this world." I had accepted "Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior" and my fate was secure.

Here is the parable of the Tares Among the Wheat:

"The kingdom of heaven is likened unto a man which sowed good seed in his field:

But while men slept, his enemy came and sowed tares among the wheat, and went his way.

But when the blade was sprung up, and brought forth fruit, then appeared the tares also.

So the servants of the householder came and said unto him, Sir, didst not thou sow good seed in thy field? from whence then hath it tares?

He said unto them, An enemy hath done this. The servants said unto him, Wilt thou then that we go and gather them up?

But he said, Nay; lest while ye gather up the tares, ye root up also the wheat with them.

Let both grow together until the harvest: and in the time of harvest I will say to the reapers, Gather ye together first the tares, and bind them in bundles to burn them: but gather the wheat into my barn" ~ Matthew 13:24-30

As you may have already figured, my initial understanding of this parable prompted very little introspection. It even gave me confidence in maintaining the same arrogance and prejudices I had to start with. But over time, something started happening. Before I even knew I was allowed to (thank you, Luke 17:21), I started seeing Jesus' parables from the viewpoint that God's kingdom is within me. This is when Jesus' mysterious teachings on the kingdom of God began to penetrate my heart and work miracles in my life...

When the kingdom of God (in this case, the kingdom of heaven) was within me, I understood from the parable that the field in which the good seed and tares are sown, is within me too. As Jesus later reveals, "the good seed are the children of the kingdom; but the tares are the children of the wicked one" (Matthew 13:38). Where I originally thought that I was a child of the kingdom, and therefore didn't need to worry about "the end of this world," I was beginning to see quite a different picture. If there was both wheat and tares in my field, the "time of harvest" was going to have a much greater impact on me than I had originally thought. And a rather unpleasant one! According to Jesus,

"As therefore the tares are gathered and burned in the fire; so shall it be in the end of this world. The Son of man shall send forth his angels, and they shall gather out of his kingdom all things that offend, and them which do iniquity; And shall cast them into a furnace of fire: there shall be wailing and gnashing of teeth" (Matt 13:40-42). 

As I began to experience God's kingdom as part of my everyday life, I soon realized that "the end of this world" isn't just some far-off time in the future or the day when my physical body dies. In God's kingdom, "the end of this world" occurs any time Jesus comes and brings my unconscious sin to light...

"I was alive without the law once: but when the commandment came, sin revived, and I died. And the commandment, which was ordained to life, I found to be unto death." ~ Romans 7:9-10

As promised, when Jesus comes, He never accuses me before God (John 3:17, John 5:45, Luke 9:56). He simply shows me more of Himself...

"If I had not come and spoken unto them, they had not had sin: but now they have no cloak for their sin." John 15:22

The "weeping and gnashing of teeth" is the ensuing shame and anguish I experience as I comprehend just how wretched I am standing next to my Lord, and as I lament the unimaginable agony God endures in Christ to give eternal life to someone like me...

"For this cause was the gospel preached also to them that are dead, that they might be judged according to men in the flesh, but live according to God in the spirit." ~ 1 Peter 4:6

This means that the "furnace of fire" (albeit very painful, and to be avoided wherever possible) is actually a good thing, because it is the place where the evil in my heart is confronted and destroyed.

This "furnace of fire" is what must happen in order for what Jesus says at the end of the parable to come true...

"Then shall the righteous shine forth as the sun in the kingdom of their Father. Who hath ears to hear, let him hear." ~ Matthew 13:43

I was hearing! I was hearing! I was hearing something anyway...I wasn't sure if I was allowed to be having these insights. My real-life experience of this parable had revealed a very different picture of Christianity than the one I had been taught. I didn't know if I could trust it. What I did know is that this internal perspective on God's kingdom had sparked a desire in me like never before to keep a close watch over my heart. At that point, that was all I knew. Another of Jesus' parables spurred even more changes...

During His Sermon on the Mount, while warning His disciples about false prophets, Jesus tells them in a parable how they can distinguish between those of the “evil one” and those who come in His name. He says,

“Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles?

Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit.

A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit.

Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire.

Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them." ~Matthew 7:16-20 

Even though it never sat quite right with me to begin with, since I became a "Christian," I assumed that I must be one of good trees. But if what Jesus said is true, that a good tree cannot bear evil fruit, I knew something was amiss. I could not deny what was glaringly obvious: Not all of my fruits were "good." Meanwhile, the parable of the Good Tree had no practical impact on my life at all...

In view of God's kingdom within, I soon realized that I am not a tree at all. I am a garden full of trees. In my garden, every tree that bears good fruit is rooted in Christ. Likewise, every tree that bears evil fruit is rooted in “the evil one." Those are the only two options...

Little children, let no man deceive you: he that doeth righteousness is righteous, even as He is righteous. He that committeth sin is of the devil; for the devil sinneth from the beginning." 1 John 3:7-8

The implications of this parable were scandalous, and quite frankly, threatening to what I had considered my "faith." But I couldn't ignore Jesus' words. If a good tree can only bear good fruit, and an evil tree can only bear evil fruit; and we know that the source of every good fruit is God and the source of every evil fruit is Satan; then whoever bears good fruit is in Christ. Likewise, whoever bears evil fruit is (as 1 John 3:7-8 puts it) "of the devil."

Suddenly I had a lot of tough questions for myself. Namely: Do I recognize Christ's followers by their fruits, as Jesus taught me to do? Or have I unwittingly relied on my own system for determining who comes in His name?

Do I believe Jesus when He said, "Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven?" Or do I think He was only talking about the "Christian" poor in spirit? Do I believe Jesus when He said, "Blessed are the pure in heart?" Or do I think only people who call themselves "Christian" can be pure in heart? Do I believe my Lord when He said, "Blessed are they that mourn; for they shall be comforted?" Or do I think only "Christians" who mourn are blessed?

Do I believe the Scripture in 1 John 4:7 that says, "...every one that loveth is born of God, and knoweth God?" Or do I think that only "Christians" are capable of loving? Do I recognize God in "the least of these" (Matthew 25:40)? Or do I regard the lives and love of "non-Christians" as somehow less than that of the people who wear His name?

Will I continue to be blind to the healing power of the eternal Christ in people who don't look, think, and act like me? Or will I allow the One True Living God to tell me who comes in His name? Will I know them by their fruits?

For a long time, I fought God on these questions. I couldn't understand how someone who doesn't call himself a "Christian" could be "saved." It was so contrary to everything I had learned from "church." After a lot of arguing with God, wrestling with Scripture, and finally letting down my guard, I found Jesus ready and willing to guide me and teach me everything my heart was aching to know. What I ended up realizing is that I had been worshiping theology more than God Himself. When I stopped worshiping theology and started channeling that energy towards God, His Word came to life and as a result, every aspect of my life was radically changed.

It was living in the reality of God's kingdom within that had prompted in me a sudden extraordinary awareness of what my heart was doing at any given moment...

Was I reacting to someone or something out of misplaced fear (idolatry)?

"Thou shalt have no other gods before me." ~Exodus 20:3

Was I praying faithlessly from a heart of unbelief?

"Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain." ~ Exodus 20:7

Was I constantly running from one task to another, forgetting to slow down and appreciate God's blessings?

"Remember the Sabbath day, to keep it holy." ~ Exodus 20:8

Was I nursing or justifying anger towards someone? Was I condemning others in my heart?

"Thou shalt not kill." ~Exodus 20:13

Was I desiring the attention or approval of men other than my husband?

"Thou shalt not commit adultery." ~ Exodus 20:14

Was I lusting after an activity other than the situation at hand? Was I desiring things that do not belong to me? Was I envious of the lives of others?

"Thou shalt not covet..." ~ Exodus 20:17

What was undeniable is that this very personal view of God's kingdom through Jesus' parables had helped me to understand His commandments and know how to keep them. By living in God's kingdom every day, and learning to be open to God's judgment (no matter how painful), my heart was transformed. I had compassion where once, I couldn't care less. I had patience where once I had none. I was brave where once I was fearful. I was less irritable in general and more attentive to the needs of the people in my life. I could respond to my kids more confidently and patiently. I started noticing things I'd never noticed before and feeling things I didn't remember ever feeling. I started to be capable of loving where once I had not known love.

These are all the healing miracles of Christ. These miracles would not have happened at all without one very special person in my life. The person who remembered what I used to be like before I was ruined by the world. The person who watched in sorrow as I ran full speed towards my own destruction. The person who was brave enough to reach out to me and remind me who I am. This person began many miracles of healing in my heart. And it doesn't surprise me one bit that she doesn't call herself a "Christian." She doesn't have to. I know her by her fruits.
 










       

The Kingdom Within: Part 2

In my last post, I mentioned one of Jesus' teachings about the kingdom of God that I think is very significant, but is often overlooked. This is the teaching found in Luke 17 where Jesus says, "The kingdom of God cometh not with observation: Neither shall they say, Lo here! or, lo there! for, behold, the kingdom of God is within you." [emphasis mine]

By this teaching, we can know that the kingdom of God is not an external reality that we can see. Rather, the kingdom of God is a reality within. The next thing we should notice is that when Jesus says, "the kingdom of God is within you," He is not talking to His disciples, as if to say the kingdom of God is within some people but not others. When Jesus says "the kingdom of God is within you," He is talking to a group of Pharisees, a people that were so vehemently opposed to Jesus that they wanted to have Him killed. Indeed, Jesus tells a group of Pharisees, "the kingdom of God is within you." [emphasis mine]

In my last post, I also mentioned how in Matthew 23, our attention is directed toward another surprising bunch of people in whom Jesus sees the kingdom of God: publicans and harlots! "Verily I say unto you, That the publicans and the harlots go into the kingdom of God before you" (Matt 23:28-30).

Now if Jesus sees the kingdom of God within "publicans and harlots" who for obvious reasons are unlikely members of God's kingdom, and also within the Pharisees whose superficial "righteousness" had no value in God's kingdom, we can safely conclude that Jesus sees the kingdom of God within all people. 

If the kingdom of God is a reality that is within all people, then anyone, at any moment can become aware of God's kingdom within, and enter into it. Hence, Jesus' saying "Repent, for the kingdom of heaven is at hand!” (See Matt 3:2, Matt 4:17, Mark 1:14...)

Many Christians seem to think Jesus is saying simply, "Repent and believe that Jesus is the Son of God, and you will be 'saved.'" In a certain sense, I believe the same because I have personally experienced salvation through Jesus Christ. But I think we ought to recognize by Jesus' more obscure teaching (such as that mentioned above) that the mystery of God's kingdom is not as cut-and-dry as we tend to make it.

To "repent" means to turn away from something, and to turn toward something else. When Jesus says, "Repent," he is telling us to turn away from the kingdoms of this world that our hearts are apt to be following, and to turn toward the kingdom of God instead. Remember, that kingdom is not some far-off place in another world. Jesus is clear in His teaching that God's kingdom is within you.

Now if the kingdom of God is within you, then Christ...

"who is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of every creature [emphasis mine] (Col 1:15)

Christ...

who has "chosen us in him before the foundation of the world" [emphasis mine] (Eph 1:4)

Christ...

who "is set down at the right hand of the throne of God" [emphasis mine] (Heb 12:2)

Christ...as an integral part of God's kingdom...is an indwelling reality within every person. Scandalous!

Therefore when Jesus says "the kingdom of heaven is at hand," He is not only speaking of His physical role in bringing about God's kingdom on earth 2,000+ years ago, He is also speaking of Christ's eternal reign in God's kingdom within us. (See Matthew 22:44, Mark 16:19, Acts 2:33, Acts 7:55-56, Col 3:1, Heb 8:1, Heb 10:12, Heb 12:2, 1 Peter 3:2 and Rev 3:21).

On one occasion while a group of Pharisees is chastising Jesus for His welldoing, for His miracles which they witnessed with their very eyes, one Pharisee accused Him saying "This fellow doth not cast out devils, but by Beelzebub the prince of the devils."

To this Jesus basically tells them that it is not possible for a sick person to be made well by the power of a devil. He continues saying, "But if I cast out devils by the Spirit of God, then the kingdom of God is come unto you...Wherefore I say unto you, All manner of sin and blasphemy shall be forgiven unto men: but the blasphemy against the Holy Ghost shall not be forgiven unto men." (Matt 12:28-31)

Thus, where we fail to recognize God's kingdom and healing power in others, we fail to honor God's indwelling Spirit. Where we blaspheme (speak or behave irreverently) towards God's Spirit in others, Jesus tells us that we will not be forgiven. 

Notice that every other sin will be forgiven. All but one. Not quite the picture painted by many Christians of an eternity in hell for unrepented sins...

Our prime purpose on earth then is to recognize God's kingdom within ourselves and others,  and to enter into that kingdom where Christ reigns, so that God's kingdom can grow on earth, in ourselves and in others. Only then can we pray "thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven" and sincerely mean it.